I am living in the twilight zone

I ate my first chicken claw/foot/talon yesterday. And yes, it tasted like chicken. I was sitting in my room goofing around on my computer while Lan was watching some horrific tv show, when her sister appeared at the door said something. Lan immediately jumped up and said something, laughing and giggling, grinning ear to ear. She said something to me about chicken, and so I thought there must be some tasty victals awaiting us downstairs. I followed Lan downstairs and there sitting in the middle of the floor (Vietnamese eat on the floor) was a bowl of chicken feet/claws/talons. Lan dived right in. They were all fried up, just like you might see at KFC, if KFC sold chicken feet/claws/talons, and they looked about as appetizing as you might imagine kentucky friend chicken feet/claws/talons looking. 6 weeks ago I wouldn't have touched those things with a 50 ft. pole, but I've eaten so many strange, inexplicable things in the past 4 weeks that I just dug right in. They weren't bad, they just tasted like any other part of the chicken, the main problem was all the gristle. It was like chewing on kentucky friend rubber. I ended up eating half of one and throwing in the towel, and then Lan started giving me a hard time, because I left some gristle on the bone. Apparently your supposed to suck each and every bone, or is this case claw/talon clean. Here in Vietnam they don't waste any of the animal, they just eat it all, and they pick the bones clean. I must appear horribly wasteful to them, but I'm sorry I don't do gristle. I have to draw the line somewhere. I was hoping for round 2 on the spinning chicken head drinking game, but I guess that is only for special occasions. Last night was not special enough I guess.

I have also now twice seen a chicken hanging out in the yard (or what passes for a yard) in the morning, and then oddly enough had the chicken disappear in the afternoon only to have chicken for dinner that night. They like there food fresh here, they don't mess around with preservatives, you buy a living, breathing chicken and end up with dinner 6 hours later. I was at a restaurant the other day, and I went to use their restroom, which was putting it loosely to say the least. It was an outdoor restaurant, and their bathroom was a hole in the ground with a covering on 2 sides facing the restaraunt, basically like peeing on a visqueen wall. Anyway I walked back behind the kitchen, if you want to call it that, it was basically a camp fire with wok over coals, and a flat rock where everything was being sliced and diced, and there was a boy killing chickens, just wringing the necks and ripping the heads off. Not exactly 4 star dining.

I have been getting buffeted by culture shock lately. There are some really weird rules here that make little or no sense. Part of the problem is that Lan can't explain to me anything about the rules, she just tells me I can or can't do this with no explanation, and so it's a little like living in the twilight zone. For instance, men who wear deodarent are apparently considered fruity. Lan told me I was being effeminite today, because I was putting on deoderant. I told her that she better be careful what she asks for, because if I don't wear any deodarent then things get awfully damn unfeminine pretty damn fast, if you catch my meaning. I guess Lan likes her men smelling a little on the ripe side, but I don't think Vietnamese men smell nearly as bad as overweight American men do. Another little bizarre hygiene thing I was doing that apparently grosses Vietnamese, or at least Lan, out is that I was eating food before brushing my teeth. Apparently in Vietnam you are supposed to brush your teeth and then eat, eating without brushing is considered dirty or unclean. I don't get it. It's exactly the opposite of what makes even the smallest amount of sense. Plus food tastes crappy after you brush your teeth. I've taken to brushing my teeth without toothpaste, so that Lan thinks I have clean teeth before I eat.

I've also been dealing with their uber-strange dating customs here. Apparently, again according to Lan, boyfriends and girlfriends are not allowed to hold hands, hug, or especially kiss in public. It's very gross, and really offensive. I can hug Lan, and kiss her as long as it's just the 2 of us in my room, but if any of her family is around then forget it. Now if it's a child or a kid then you can hug, kiss, hold hands, whatever, that's fine. Lan's little nephew Sumo has gotten more action from Lan than I have so far, and Lan's little niece has had her hands all over me, it's creeping the hell out of me. Also friends both men and women can hold hands in public, hug, be very affectionate and it's not wierd at all. I've seen so many girls holding hands and hugging each other here, guys too. Just today, Lan's brother took my hand and held my hand as we were crossing the street, again uber creepy. But Lan and I, forget it. I get to hold her hand and snuggle a little with her at night when she's watching her vietnamese tv shows in my room, and I've insisted on a goodnight kiss, but that's all the action I'm getting. Lan says that it's inappropriate for boyfriends and girlfriends to touch until after their married. How anyone gets married here is beyond my understanding, but I've heard this rule from several people now, not just Lan, so apparently it's true. Lan and her family are also very traditional.

I can kind of see why they have these rules, families here all live together in the same house, and it's not uncommon to have entire families sleeping in the same room. Lan's sister, her husband, and their son all sleep together in one tiny room on the same bed. Lan and her Mother and Father all sleep together in the same room, same bed. In this tiny house that I'm living in right now, there are 10 people, including myself all living in the same house, and often there are more because at any given time Lan's other sister's and family will show up and sleep on the floor in the front room. Most houses I've been to, have many people living in them, it's common. So they have to be fairly strict about boundaries here, because there is so little privacy in this place. So relations between men and women here are very rigid, compartmentalized, because otherwise you would have mayhem. It might just be that Lan and her family are very strict too, but I have noticed that most men and women, unless they are very young, do not hold hands or show affection in public, so it must be the custom here.

There are some other stupefying customs here, but I am tired and my brain is shutting down for the night, so I'll have to save those for my next blog. I didn't even talk about money, their attitude toward money is an entire blog entry all by itself, and something I don't think I'll ever figure out. I think it's safe to say that pretty much everything in Vietnam is exactly opposite from how things are done in America. Or at least that's how it seems to me now, the really scary thing is that in 6 months all these things will seem normal to me and make perfect sense.