I ate my first chicken claw/foot/talon yesterday. And yes, it tasted like chicken. I was sitting in my room goofing around on my computer while Lan was watching some horrific tv show, when her sister appeared at the door said something. Lan immediately jumped up and said something, laughing and giggling, grinning ear to ear. She said something to me about chicken, and so I thought there must be some tasty victals awaiting us downstairs. I followed Lan downstairs and there sitting in the middle of the floor (Vietnamese eat on the floor) was a bowl of chicken feet/claws/talons. Lan dived right in. They were all fried up, just like you might see at KFC, if KFC sold chicken feet/claws/talons, and they looked about as appetizing as you might imagine kentucky friend chicken feet/claws/talons looking. 6 weeks ago I wouldn't have touched those things with a 50 ft. pole, but I've eaten so many strange, inexplicable things in the past 4 weeks that I just dug right in. They weren't bad, they just tasted like any other part of the chicken, the main problem was all the gristle. It was like chewing on kentucky friend rubber. I ended up eating half of one and throwing in the towel, and then Lan started giving me a hard time, because I left some gristle on the bone. Apparently your supposed to suck each and every bone, or is this case claw/talon clean. Here in Vietnam they don't waste any of the animal, they just eat it all, and they pick the bones clean. I must appear horribly wasteful to them, but I'm sorry I don't do gristle. I have to draw the line somewhere. I was hoping for round 2 on the spinning chicken head drinking game, but I guess that is only for special occasions. Last night was not special enough I guess.
I have also now twice seen a chicken hanging out in the yard (or what passes for a yard) in the morning, and then oddly enough had the chicken disappear in the afternoon only to have chicken for dinner that night. They like there food fresh here, they don't mess around with preservatives, you buy a living, breathing chicken and end up with dinner 6 hours later. I was at a restaurant the other day, and I went to use their restroom, which was putting it loosely to say the least. It was an outdoor restaurant, and their bathroom was a hole in the ground with a covering on 2 sides facing the restaraunt, basically like peeing on a visqueen wall. Anyway I walked back behind the kitchen, if you want to call it that, it was basically a camp fire with wok over coals, and a flat rock where everything was being sliced and diced, and there was a boy killing chickens, just wringing the necks and ripping the heads off. Not exactly 4 star dining.
I have been getting buffeted by culture shock lately. There are some really weird rules here that make little or no sense. Part of the problem is that Lan can't explain to me anything about the rules, she just tells me I can or can't do this with no explanation, and so it's a little like living in the twilight zone. For instance, men who wear deodarent are apparently considered fruity. Lan told me I was being effeminite today, because I was putting on deoderant. I told her that she better be careful what she asks for, because if I don't wear any deodarent then things get awfully damn unfeminine pretty damn fast, if you catch my meaning. I guess Lan likes her men smelling a little on the ripe side, but I don't think Vietnamese men smell nearly as bad as overweight American men do. Another little bizarre hygiene thing I was doing that apparently grosses Vietnamese, or at least Lan, out is that I was eating food before brushing my teeth. Apparently in Vietnam you are supposed to brush your teeth and then eat, eating without brushing is considered dirty or unclean. I don't get it. It's exactly the opposite of what makes even the smallest amount of sense. Plus food tastes crappy after you brush your teeth. I've taken to brushing my teeth without toothpaste, so that Lan thinks I have clean teeth before I eat.
I've also been dealing with their uber-strange dating customs here. Apparently, again according to Lan, boyfriends and girlfriends are not allowed to hold hands, hug, or especially kiss in public. It's very gross, and really offensive. I can hug Lan, and kiss her as long as it's just the 2 of us in my room, but if any of her family is around then forget it. Now if it's a child or a kid then you can hug, kiss, hold hands, whatever, that's fine. Lan's little nephew Sumo has gotten more action from Lan than I have so far, and Lan's little niece has had her hands all over me, it's creeping the hell out of me. Also friends both men and women can hold hands in public, hug, be very affectionate and it's not wierd at all. I've seen so many girls holding hands and hugging each other here, guys too. Just today, Lan's brother took my hand and held my hand as we were crossing the street, again uber creepy. But Lan and I, forget it. I get to hold her hand and snuggle a little with her at night when she's watching her vietnamese tv shows in my room, and I've insisted on a goodnight kiss, but that's all the action I'm getting. Lan says that it's inappropriate for boyfriends and girlfriends to touch until after their married. How anyone gets married here is beyond my understanding, but I've heard this rule from several people now, not just Lan, so apparently it's true. Lan and her family are also very traditional.
I can kind of see why they have these rules, families here all live together in the same house, and it's not uncommon to have entire families sleeping in the same room. Lan's sister, her husband, and their son all sleep together in one tiny room on the same bed. Lan and her Mother and Father all sleep together in the same room, same bed. In this tiny house that I'm living in right now, there are 10 people, including myself all living in the same house, and often there are more because at any given time Lan's other sister's and family will show up and sleep on the floor in the front room. Most houses I've been to, have many people living in them, it's common. So they have to be fairly strict about boundaries here, because there is so little privacy in this place. So relations between men and women here are very rigid, compartmentalized, because otherwise you would have mayhem. It might just be that Lan and her family are very strict too, but I have noticed that most men and women, unless they are very young, do not hold hands or show affection in public, so it must be the custom here.
There are some other stupefying customs here, but I am tired and my brain is shutting down for the night, so I'll have to save those for my next blog. I didn't even talk about money, their attitude toward money is an entire blog entry all by itself, and something I don't think I'll ever figure out. I think it's safe to say that pretty much everything in Vietnam is exactly opposite from how things are done in America. Or at least that's how it seems to me now, the really scary thing is that in 6 months all these things will seem normal to me and make perfect sense.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Tet Holiday in Vietnam
Tet was a bust. I have no spinning chicken head stories or anything like that to tell. I thought that Lan and I would spend Tet together doing fun things, going to festivals, seeing parades, whatever they do in Vietnam, but that did not happen. Apparently Tet is the time of year when people go to visit friends and relatives that they haven't seen all year. Kind of like Christmas for Americans. I didn't know it, but Lan had a whole list of people that she had to go visit, including some family that lived out of town, so the long and short of it is that I didn't see Lan for about 4 days and I spent most of Tet hanging out in my room watching tv and reading. I am know officially naming the week of Tet...Hell week!!!
It wasn't as bad as I'm making it out to be, though it was by no means as fun as I thought it would be either. I did get to do some things for Tet. Last week Lan, myself, and her 2 nephews and niece went to an amusement park/Zoo and spent the day going on rides and feeding exotic animals, that was a lot of fun. Then the next day I went with Lan and her family to a large Water park and spent the whole day swimming and sliding down water slides, that was also a lot of fun. So I did do some fun things, and then, of course, on Valentines Day Lan and I went out to eat at a nice restaurant.
I'm still amazed at how cheap things are around here. I spent 4 usd to go to the water park and it was a good sized water park, probably 15 slides, 2 kiddy pools, including a wave machine, a zip line (which really hurts by the way, I landed flat on my back) and a little moat/artificial stream which goes around the entire length of the park. It's equal to some of the bigger water parks in America, and where you would pay 40 or 50 usd for one person's ticket. I paid 40 usd for Lan's whole family, plus lunch for everyone. The two things that are really, really cheap in Vietnam are food and entertainment. Some of the things you buy in a store like electronic devices, or appliances cost more or less the same as America, but if you are coming here on vacation then things are cheap, cheap, cheap.
One other thing I discovered this Vacation is that Lan and her family love to play card games. The main card game in Vietnam is called Tan Lien, and it is based largely on points and sequences of cards. The first few times I watched people playing I could make no sense of the game, but once I found the rules online and read them then I was able to learn the game very quickly. I suck at it, and since it involves a rather complicated system of gambling I have only played it a couple of times. The main game I play with Lan and her family is Blackjack or 21. It is almost the same as the American version, with a few small differences, for instance 2 aces wins all hands, it's the highest card hand you can get, and if an ace is with another card say then it is worth 10 point, so an ace of diamonds and an 8 of spades would be worth 18 points. The whole family including the kids will get in a circle on the floor and play cards for hours at a time, it's the one thing I can do with her family that does not require me to know any english.
I will say one more thing. This experience I'm having so far is much different than I expected. The cultural differences between America and Vietnam are profound. I really did not expect things to be so different, especially relational differences. I am having to court Lan in a completely different way than I have ever done before, and it is very hard. For instance, I am not allowed to show any public display of affection towards Lan, hugging, holding hands, putting my arms around her, and most especially kissing her, in front of her family. That is a big no-no. Lan is not allowed to be alone with me in a room. She can't come into my room alone, ever. It has made kissing her challenging since she is always accompanied by a family member, but I am a sneaky bastard when I want to be, so I am working it out. Then there is the fact that my job as her boyfriend/husband is to give her money, apparently, and her job is to take care of me domestically. Very eighteenth century. It seems very conservative and backwards here by American standards, but it's how things are done. Now once I'm married Lan and I can be alone together all we want, and I can kiss her, hug her whatever in front of anyone I like, but as long as we're not married we have to be very circumspect.
All things considered I am doing well. It is hard, but I love a good challenge, and I am learning things about myself that I never knew existed. I will survive this, of that I am certain. Lan and I will get married, and we will be happy together. Despite all the restrictions right now, I know that Lan loves me, and I know that she wants to marry me and spend the rest of her life with me. I just have to be patient right now. Till next time...
It wasn't as bad as I'm making it out to be, though it was by no means as fun as I thought it would be either. I did get to do some things for Tet. Last week Lan, myself, and her 2 nephews and niece went to an amusement park/Zoo and spent the day going on rides and feeding exotic animals, that was a lot of fun. Then the next day I went with Lan and her family to a large Water park and spent the whole day swimming and sliding down water slides, that was also a lot of fun. So I did do some fun things, and then, of course, on Valentines Day Lan and I went out to eat at a nice restaurant.
I'm still amazed at how cheap things are around here. I spent 4 usd to go to the water park and it was a good sized water park, probably 15 slides, 2 kiddy pools, including a wave machine, a zip line (which really hurts by the way, I landed flat on my back) and a little moat/artificial stream which goes around the entire length of the park. It's equal to some of the bigger water parks in America, and where you would pay 40 or 50 usd for one person's ticket. I paid 40 usd for Lan's whole family, plus lunch for everyone. The two things that are really, really cheap in Vietnam are food and entertainment. Some of the things you buy in a store like electronic devices, or appliances cost more or less the same as America, but if you are coming here on vacation then things are cheap, cheap, cheap.
One other thing I discovered this Vacation is that Lan and her family love to play card games. The main card game in Vietnam is called Tan Lien, and it is based largely on points and sequences of cards. The first few times I watched people playing I could make no sense of the game, but once I found the rules online and read them then I was able to learn the game very quickly. I suck at it, and since it involves a rather complicated system of gambling I have only played it a couple of times. The main game I play with Lan and her family is Blackjack or 21. It is almost the same as the American version, with a few small differences, for instance 2 aces wins all hands, it's the highest card hand you can get, and if an ace is with another card say then it is worth 10 point, so an ace of diamonds and an 8 of spades would be worth 18 points. The whole family including the kids will get in a circle on the floor and play cards for hours at a time, it's the one thing I can do with her family that does not require me to know any english.
I will say one more thing. This experience I'm having so far is much different than I expected. The cultural differences between America and Vietnam are profound. I really did not expect things to be so different, especially relational differences. I am having to court Lan in a completely different way than I have ever done before, and it is very hard. For instance, I am not allowed to show any public display of affection towards Lan, hugging, holding hands, putting my arms around her, and most especially kissing her, in front of her family. That is a big no-no. Lan is not allowed to be alone with me in a room. She can't come into my room alone, ever. It has made kissing her challenging since she is always accompanied by a family member, but I am a sneaky bastard when I want to be, so I am working it out. Then there is the fact that my job as her boyfriend/husband is to give her money, apparently, and her job is to take care of me domestically. Very eighteenth century. It seems very conservative and backwards here by American standards, but it's how things are done. Now once I'm married Lan and I can be alone together all we want, and I can kiss her, hug her whatever in front of anyone I like, but as long as we're not married we have to be very circumspect.
All things considered I am doing well. It is hard, but I love a good challenge, and I am learning things about myself that I never knew existed. I will survive this, of that I am certain. Lan and I will get married, and we will be happy together. Despite all the restrictions right now, I know that Lan loves me, and I know that she wants to marry me and spend the rest of her life with me. I just have to be patient right now. Till next time...
Thursday, February 4, 2010
my life in Vietnam so far...
I have now been in Vietnam for 18 days, and in some ways it seems like I have been here for 18 months, and in other ways it seems like I have only been here for a few days. Time has little or no meaning for me here. I am more or less on Lan time, meaning that I am entirely dependent on Lan and here schedule.
One day soon I hope to start gaining a larger degree of independance, but for right now I can go nowhere or do anything without being accompanied by Lan. It's a little annoying at times, I think for both of us, but it's necessary. I do not know Vietnam, meaning I do not speak the language or know any of the customs, and for an American alone it can be a potentially dangerous place. There is a general, shall we say stereotype, associated with Americans here in Vietnam. We are all rich. Every Vietnamese, now I'm generalizing, thinks that Americans have money, lots of money. This is not necessarily true, at least in my case, and it is not necessarily a bad thing, it's nice to be percieved as being wealthy, however it does make it so that I have to be careful, more careful than I would normally be. There are certain things I cannot do in Vietnam, or that I can do but should be very careful doing. Right now I am choosing to not go anywhere unless accompanied by Lan or one of her family. And Lan has actually been pretty adamant about not allowing me to go anywhere by myself. So the downside or flipside of all this is that if Lan is at home cooking or spending time with her family I am at home. I consequently have done far less sight seeing than I had thought I would be doing, it's okay, I have air conditioning, internet, cable tv, and plenty of books to read.
A few other things that I have to be careful about. Lan has to do all the shopping, if you are an American then the price of any item automatically goes up by 4 or 5 times what a Vietnamese person would pay for it. The problem is that it still seems cheap by American standards, but it's expensive by Vietnamese standards. So if I want to buy anything here then Lan has to buy it for me. Which is fine, but again it is something I would like to do for myself, but that I have to now rely on Lan to do for me. I guess I feel a bit helpless here in Vietnam right now. I know that once I've been here a few months and know my way around and understand some of the language then it will be easier for me to get out and do things. I won't need to rely so much on Lan.
Right now Lan is fine with how things are, and I try to give her her space as much as I can, which is to say not that much as she likes spending most of her time with me. Of course it's complicated by the fact that we can't really talk to each other, but we are pretty well versed in the language of love and that's the universal language, as I guess is the language of hate, though I wouldn't know anything about that.
Tet is coming up next week and I will devote my next blog to telling about my first tet experience. It sounds like quite the affair. I have to pay out all this lucky money to all of Lan's family. it's costing me chunk of change, and as far as I can tell I'm getting no lucky money myself. I guess I'm not lucky, or else I don't need luck. I don't know. And again food will feature prominently in the festivities, sounds like there is a whole lot of feasting that happens over the tet holiday. So look for my next post and I'll give you all the gory details.
One day soon I hope to start gaining a larger degree of independance, but for right now I can go nowhere or do anything without being accompanied by Lan. It's a little annoying at times, I think for both of us, but it's necessary. I do not know Vietnam, meaning I do not speak the language or know any of the customs, and for an American alone it can be a potentially dangerous place. There is a general, shall we say stereotype, associated with Americans here in Vietnam. We are all rich. Every Vietnamese, now I'm generalizing, thinks that Americans have money, lots of money. This is not necessarily true, at least in my case, and it is not necessarily a bad thing, it's nice to be percieved as being wealthy, however it does make it so that I have to be careful, more careful than I would normally be. There are certain things I cannot do in Vietnam, or that I can do but should be very careful doing. Right now I am choosing to not go anywhere unless accompanied by Lan or one of her family. And Lan has actually been pretty adamant about not allowing me to go anywhere by myself. So the downside or flipside of all this is that if Lan is at home cooking or spending time with her family I am at home. I consequently have done far less sight seeing than I had thought I would be doing, it's okay, I have air conditioning, internet, cable tv, and plenty of books to read.
A few other things that I have to be careful about. Lan has to do all the shopping, if you are an American then the price of any item automatically goes up by 4 or 5 times what a Vietnamese person would pay for it. The problem is that it still seems cheap by American standards, but it's expensive by Vietnamese standards. So if I want to buy anything here then Lan has to buy it for me. Which is fine, but again it is something I would like to do for myself, but that I have to now rely on Lan to do for me. I guess I feel a bit helpless here in Vietnam right now. I know that once I've been here a few months and know my way around and understand some of the language then it will be easier for me to get out and do things. I won't need to rely so much on Lan.
Right now Lan is fine with how things are, and I try to give her her space as much as I can, which is to say not that much as she likes spending most of her time with me. Of course it's complicated by the fact that we can't really talk to each other, but we are pretty well versed in the language of love and that's the universal language, as I guess is the language of hate, though I wouldn't know anything about that.
Tet is coming up next week and I will devote my next blog to telling about my first tet experience. It sounds like quite the affair. I have to pay out all this lucky money to all of Lan's family. it's costing me chunk of change, and as far as I can tell I'm getting no lucky money myself. I guess I'm not lucky, or else I don't need luck. I don't know. And again food will feature prominently in the festivities, sounds like there is a whole lot of feasting that happens over the tet holiday. So look for my next post and I'll give you all the gory details.
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